well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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