My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
