Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
