the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
