how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
