Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
