Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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