the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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