one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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