i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
