Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
