I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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