cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
