Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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