Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
