I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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