Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
