I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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