forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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