But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
