FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
