We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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