Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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