Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
