You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
