I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
