Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
