I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
