I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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