You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
