So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
