Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
