According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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