I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
