so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
