ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Barsexuality is the new black.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
