I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Are we still banned from the library?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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