wakey wakey hands off snakey
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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