I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
