oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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