Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
