Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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