But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
