As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I need moral support for this bender
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
