I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
