why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
