Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
