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I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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