Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
