did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
