ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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